Body Talk

shirt-Wildfang(similar here), leggings-Old Navy, sneakers-Converse, sunnies-Target(similar here)


I'm want to talk about my body. It's been through A LOT in the past few years, what we having two children and the biological and weight fluctuations that go along with all of that. I'm amazed at what my body has accomplished, but at the same time I'm also disgusted by the state it's in. I'm not in great shape, both physically, and in terms of my sense of self. I know there is no return to how things used to be, pre-babies, but I haven't found the new version of myself that feels right. I want to be body positive and love myself, but the current state of this body does not match with how I perceive myself. I know, it all sounds very vague and existential, but this heady stuff is wrapped up in a physical form that feels disconnected. This disconnection is front and center with this OOTD. A androgynous-style shirt paired with maternity leggings and unisex sneakers. It's a head-scratcher folks...

Unfortunately, a big part of my sense of self is tied to self-expression through style and presentation. Right now, what with breast-feeding, this never-ending summer weather, and trying to lose baby weight, my options for self presentation are limited and feeling flat. The joke there is that my boobs are HUGE right now, which is not helping the situation. 

Here is what I need from clothing right now: 

1. Access to pump and/or nurse my child

2. Comfort, nothing too tight or fitted and slip-on shoes on weekdays as daycare has a shoes-off policy for the infant room. 

3. Work Appropriate, so easy-going loungewear is not an option.

4. Clean, to varying degrees

5. Pockets

6. Stylish and Flattering, i.e. something I feel good in, that I'm not self-conscious wearing. 

It's a longish list and I'm not hitting each point everyday, or even most days. And also, I kind of hate my hair. I think bangs were a mistake. 

Yeah, my self esteem is pretty low right now. As I transition back to work, a fitness routine, a writing routine, I know things will improve, it just takes time. If only I could get away with sweatpants, t-shirts, and flip-flops everyday.